So many times I have planed to write. But I don't. We are nearing the day we found out. I felt for a while we would be ok. But now it scares me. I think it scares all of us. I know the date. I see it all the time. But today, I thought about how close it really is and I just don't want tomorrow to come. Or the next day. Because if things are they way they are now for some of us, I don't want to experience anything around that date. It hurts. It is hard, not just hard for me, but hard to see others hurt so much.
I have been thinking so much more about the time he lived with us. I know I should not blame myself. But I think about how I just tried so hard to get him to do things instead of letting him figure it out. Now I feel I contributed to this in some way. I feel he does not know how much I loved him. I hope he knows now.
